Men Who Say They Love You but Cheat On You

When we hear about cheats in a relationship, men  are mostly the perpetrators. Statistics show that men are more likely to cheat than women. Sometimes, it feels like some men took the saying that cheating is a form of democracy in a relationship personally. Men cheating on their partners now seem to be the norm.

In most cases when men cheat, amid infidelity and the chaos that comes with it, these men still profess their love to their lovers. And it can be pretty confusing how a man can be in love and still cheat. Like how? If a man  loves you, isn't he supposed to stick with you till forever?

Well, I have made a list of 9 reasons why a man may love you and yet cheat on you. Remember, men cheat for different reasons. However, some recur more than others. These are the common causes of cheating among men.

1. He is afraid of Commitment

Imagine your closest friend betraying your trust and hurting you repeatedly. And after a while, you end the friendship and move on. In most cases, it may be hard for you to get a new best friend as you tend to find it hard to trust again. You might not commit to friendship for fear of being hurt again.

The same applies to most men who have commitment issues. Their commitment problem usually starts from childhood. When a parent constantly neglects the needs of a child, it may leave the child disappointed continuously and this project fear in the child.

For instance, a child at his school's recital may look forward to seeing his parents in the audience. Perhaps, his parents had already promised they would be there; only to have his hopes dashed when he cannot find them. If this cycle repeats, the child may get used to the disappointment and stop hoping.

In other cases, it could be the story of alcoholic parents who were never there for their son. Or physically, emotionally, and socially abusive parents. Again, he could be stuck with narcissistic parents who only show him love, when they need something from him.

If a man grows up without confronting his past monsters, he could have an attachment disorder. His fear of attachment will make him doubt love from others. He fears putting his heart out there and so takes on cheating as a backup plan.

Cheating becomes a backup plan because it prevents him from fully committing to any relationship. By cheating, he believes when any lover walks away, he can easily cope with the company of his other lovers. Also, he quickly escapes from the issues in his relationship rather than confronting them.

Sometimes, he loves his partner (whatever love means to him), but fear of commitment makes him cheat.

2. His Culture Allows It

Culture can either promote or reduce cheating among men. African culture, for example, tends to promote infidelity among men; unlike Western culture.

Many countries in Africa have marital rites that are similar. These rites often require the groom to pay a certain amount of money and present expensive goods before he can marry his bride. Sometimes, the bride's price is so expensive that it feels like the bride is being bought. The tradition also places high authority on the husband, and he gets to brag about how high he paid to have the wife.

Their tradition also expressly permits the husband to have as many wives as he wishes. With this "trade-like" marriage system and a tradition that allows polygamy, it becomes difficult for the man to remain faithful. Even as an unmarried man, the culture in those countries permits him to have multiple lovers. They claim it is essential in the selection of a suitable partner for men.

3. Peer Pressure

If your man's friends cheat on their lovers, he most likely cheats too. Remember that birds of the same feathers usually flock together. Even if your man doesn't want to cheat, his friends can significantly influence him.

If he ever has to talk to a friend about his relationship, he goes to them. Of course, you don't expect them to tell him to stick only to his woman. It is only a matter of time before he decides to sex up the mistress lurking around.

He might regret it afterward or even not. And after the first time, his friends praise him for his 'bravery'. Then, it becomes the start of a cheating spree for him.

4. He is Immature

Cheating is an immature behavior. By "immaturity", what generally comes to mind would be the guy's age. But it is not always so; age isn't solely the metric for maturity. Maturity here is in the context of emotion. A younger man can be emotionally mature, while an older man can be a boy in his head.

Emotionally immature men have low self-esteem. They often appear confident, but it is all a ruse to cover their insecurities. Most of them are narcissists.

Emotionally immature men cheat because they see it as a way to remain in control. Having multiple women under their control gives them a delusional sense of importance. And this delusional sense of importance makes such men crave unnecessary drama.

As the man in a viral social media video said, 'I don't want peace. I want problems always'. When their relationship is peaceful, emotionally immature men lack a sense of worth and importance. And what better way to create drama than having multiple women?

These men are afraid of commitment. They probably deserve a gold medal in their sprint races to different women. Haha. Before you say jack, they're running to another woman's arms. They refuse to commit but also refuse to stay single. When their commitment phobia is triggered (as always), they run into the arms of another woman.

An emotionally immature man wouldn't care about your feelings; his ego is paramount to him. Not only that, he sees women as his trophy in his twisted mind.

5. He Desires Crazed Sex

Some years back, I met a man who cheated on his wife occasionally. His wife was beautiful, and he had all the sex he wanted from her. He even admitted to being sexually satisfied. But, there was an issue. The sex was too simple. He needed more. And yes, he told me all that himself! Or how else do you think I could have known?

According to him, he had always wanted a crazier sexual experience. He wanted sex involving other parties, but his wife never consented. So, he ended up cheating. He would cheat on multiple women at a time and pay them off. All the while, he held on to his claim that he loved his wife unconditionally.

He, just like many other men, may cheat because their sexual fantasy might be too wild. Or too embarrassing that they cannot confide in their partners. Well, studies have shown that men have stronger sexual impulses than women. Maybe men shouldn't get lynched for this though. Maybe.

6. He is Selfish

9 out of 10, a selfish man will cheat on you. He cares little about your feelings. One way to spot a selfish man is jealousy. Don't mistake jealousy for love  Their.

A selfish man would always want to know every detail about your life and demand full attention from you. But, he won't reciprocate the same energy. He will divide his attention with other ladies and cheat aggressively without minding your feelings.

Selfish people lack integrity and empathy. They want their lovers to accept conditions they can not accept for even a day. They are very unforgivable for cheating but plead endlessly without a change of character when they are caught cheating.

7. They Do Not Get Satisfaction in Their Relationship

One of the things men want from their partners is respect, support, and attention. When you do not give these to your man, the relationship soon becomes lonely. Care, support, and attention not only breed trust, but it gives him a sense of belonging.

Soon, he starts to look for these traits in someone else, and sometimes, it happens subconsciously. When he meets someone new who makes him feel like a man again, he starts spending time with her.

Making out time for her is often the beginning of cheating. And it is only a short time before he becomes physically intimate with her.

8. He is Tired of The Relationship

Some men may be too cowardly to have the talk with their lover. So, their brilliant plan would be to mess up and have his partner break up with him. So, he cheats and makes sure he getsgets caught. When caught, his lover may end the relationship. Such a person would prefer to be tagged a cheat, rather than to man up andup and express his tiredness for the relationship.

9. He Wants to Cheat

I met a guy in my country home who told me he planned on getting a side piece after he got married. The funny part was that he was not even married or planning to, but he already had his mind made up on what to do. I was surprised. Like really?

A few weeks ago, I heard he got engaged. So, I teased him that his days as a free man were over. Heck, he laughed it off and told me although he needs a family now, he will still keep his girlfriends regardless.

There are many men like him out there. Some men who cheat do not need any tangible reason to cheat. I would like to think  that they do so because they are just wired that way. Not everyone is a good person after all.

Conclusion

Now that you know why men cheat, if your man is a great guy you fancy, keep him.  You can work on your relationship by being his place of comfort and trust. I know men tend not to walk away from a relationship that gives them peace.

However, even though you can work on your relationship, it is not your duty to 'work on a man.' Don't! He's a grown man with a fully-formed personality. The only way to save some relationships and yourself is to walk away. Just take your leave when he is a serial cheat.

Irrespective of his reason for cheating, you must grow to the point where you are no longer prey to weak men and dysfunctional relationships.  You've got to be in control of yourself.