How To Detect When Someone Genuinely Loves You
Many would claim that several centuries ago, people loved deeply. Some claimed couples would not marry without deeply loving that person. Throwing around the magical three words "I love you," was special and not as commonly said in relationships as it is today.
Nowadays, many folks claim that saying "I love you" is more or less like a courtesy greeting. In other words, hearing these words is not so uncommon. If these words are now so popular and easily thrown around, how can we be so sure that they are actually meant by those who use them?
Did Grandma and Them Understand Love?
If you think deeply about the subject of being in love versus loving someone, you would realize that maybe in past centuries those folks didn't really know what love meant either. They could also throw around the words "I love you" without actually meaning it or knowing what it fully entails. Although there are different types of love in this context, "romantic love" would be addressed.
Elaborating, you need to understand that even in the past, many folks got married or "loved" for various reasons. Some of them were:
Because they found the person attractive
Because the families arranged or highly favored the person
Because the person shared the same ideals/ values/ concepts about life with them.
Because the person is "easy-going" and not so challenging.
Because the person might even be financially stable and provide some sort of security to them (this is primarily relatable for the ladies)
Because the person fits into the "society standards" for how a person should be or act, hence, the person is pretty referred to as a "good-person" according to society and so is convenient to be with and "love" that person.
How We Compare to Grandma and Them
Even in today's world, these are some of the criteria for loving someone romantically. If you take the time to study people and analyze situations, you will actually realize that this here is also true for our generation. You must have come across several write-ups or posts that speak on "love," but then knowing the difference and being aware of every detail could help you in your love journey. It could help you marry for the right reason.
However, what is highlighted above isn't exactly what this article is really about. You're reading this article because you want to know how to detect if someone is genuinely in love with you, right?
However, I'd have you know that before you can identify how someone genuinely loves you, you must understand that there is a difference between "being in love" and "loving someone."
Though it is so easy for some to say (I'm in love only after dating the person for 3 months, lol), "being in love" and "loving someone" is interchangeably felt. Many people are yet to realize that each phrase means an entirely different thing.
Being in Love - Euphoria
Love is a giddy feeling, and when you're in love with someone, it almost seems like you can do anything for that person, "almost." In fact, you can fall in love with someone you just met and, in a flash, envision the rest of your life with that person. However, "being in love" is more or less a feeling of "euphoria."
Euphoria is a feeling or state of intense happiness and excitement. It is a sense of well-being, elation, and exhilaration. There's one keyword I want you to note here, and that is "intense." When something is intense, it could have a powerful influence or impact. It could mean that emotions are being extremely heightened. However, a feeling of euphoria can quickly fade away because it is more or less of "reality" being obstructed.
What You Choose to See
When you're "in love" with someone, you see the person as "perfect." There are no flaws or red flags; at least, that's what "you" choose to see. When you're in love with someone, you are envisioning a "perfect" time with that person. In fact, you are incredibly excited because the person makes you "happy" and supposedly puts you in an "it's too good to be true" state.
As a result, you would always expect such a person to keep up with whatever he or she is doing to make you "excited." It could be the person's looks, attitude, vibes, and maybe, just maybe, even material possessions. However, the one day or minute that the person fails to provide such "excitement" for you, your "feelings" of love would most likely start to fade.
Temporary Fling Thing
Being in Love, in many cases, is a temporary thing, so long as the person provides you with some feelings of "excitement." Being in Love is entirely based on emotions, and it's more about "how you feel" and probably less about how does the person really feel about being with you? Or, is the love even beneficial or fair?
Although there's absolutely nothing wrong with having intense feelings for someone, but sometimes being in a state of euphoria is more like being in something "artificial." In fact, people who are "in love" are most likely, just in love with the "idea" of the person and not who or what the person really is, like the essence and being of the person. That being said, let's move on to what "loving someone" actually means.
Loving Someone Wholeheartedly
There's one important concept you need to note in this idea of "being in love" and "loving someone." The word "being in love" is specifically directed toward "just you." "Being in love; " you're in love; it's a feeling that doesn't, in most cases, even concern the other party. Hence, when described a bit harshly, gives off this "selfishness " or "self-absurd" vibes.
However, the concept of "loving someone" is focused on "that person." This means that you "love" that person; you "fully" recognize that person. Although the last subtopic already contains details on what it means to "be in love," but it was quite important to also point out that comparison here.
Deep Emotional Connection
That being said, loving someone can be described as having care, affection, and concern for another person. Note the three words here; "care," "affection," and "concern." The idea of loving someone involves a deep emotional connection with such person, wanting their well-being and happiness, and being really concerned with how well such person fares in life.
You're not overly giddy or obsessive with that person, unlike the concept of being in love. You understand that this person has flaws and makes mistakes. Hence, even when you start to see the flaws of such person, you wouldn't be surprised or feel like there's now something wrong with your "love" for that person.
Red Flags are not Acceptable Flaws
When you love someone; you choose to stay with that person even after noticing the flaws. In essence, the concept of loving someone includes a fully conscious decision to be with that person and has little to do with the "butterflies" that flutters in your tummy, exactly like how "being in love" could make one feel.
Am I saying that loving someone means putting up with whatever "red flags" the person has? No, that's not what this means. There's a clear difference between putting up with someone's red flags and embracing the person's flaws.
Accepting an Abusive Mindset
is not Showing Love
Red flags are things that could be harmful to one's relationship. It is harmful to the other person in the relationship. Some clear red flags that should make you stay away from someone are;
Narcissistic behaviors; that could include; selfishness, lack of empathy toward one's partner, exploitation, and control of the person.
Dishonesty
Lack of commitment/inconsistency in the relationship.
Entitlement attitude
Blame shifting
Abusive behavior (verbal, emotional and/or physical)
These are flaws, but then not the kind of flaws I'm referring to in this concept of loving someone. Flaws that are harmful to you or the relationship should clearly be avoided.
In many cases, these "kinds of flaws" are even exhibited in someone that "is in love" because the person doesn't really care about "you" but cares more about how you make "them feel."
Flaws Not Red Flags
However, the kind of flaws that are being referred to in this concept of loving someone are:
How the person physically looks
It could be being introverted and shy
Being indecisive
Having a taste in music that is quite different from yours
Having different concepts and values quite different from yours
Family background and religious beliefs
These kinds of flaws and more is what is being referred to here. These are flaws that are arguably not harmful to the relationship. Hence, it is up to you to decide if you really wish to embrace these kinds of flaws. Once you choose to embrace flaws like these, then there's a very high chance that the love you feel for that person will last.
Loving Someone without Sex
Also, you need to understand that loving someone doesn't necessarily have to be romantic. You can love someone and not be sexually attracted to that person, and I don't mean your family members.
There have been few instances of people who choose to get married because they love themselves. However, they are not sexually attracted to each other; hence, their sexual contract doesn't include fulfilling sexual pleasures. Instances like these are mostly between same-sex best friends (doesn't mean they are necessarily homosexual). However, this isn't what the article is focused on, but it needed to be pointed out.
Now that this article has highlighted what it means to "be in love" and to "love someone," it's still quite important to understand the variations of love. Although these variations are common knowledge but mentioning them in relation to this topic might be helpful.
Variations of Love
Romantic Love
Attracted to each other romantically/sexually and also have a deep emotional connection to that person. This kind of love can actually be for those that are "in love" and "love someone." However, the difference is that those in love might have little to "no emotional connection" with the other person, but could be romantically attracted. While those that "love someone" would both be romantically attracted and have deep emotional connections to that person.
Platonic Love
It's a non-romantic/sexual relationship that could be between friends, family members, and even acquaintances. Although, you can also be "in love," even if you claim to have platonic feelings for someone. It is very possible to actually love the "idea" of your friends or how they make you feel without even caring much about how they feel or even being committed to them. The concept of "being in love" and "loving someone" can also exist in platonic relationships. Which is why in some cases, folks fall out with their friends after a while.
Infatuation
This is more like a perfect variation of love to describe the feeling of "being in love." Infatuation is an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone. You care more about the idea of the person or what feelings the person brings to you than the actual person. Infatuation is closely associated with obsession and the crazy urge to always be within that person's presence. It's a superficial feeling, a euphoria short-lived one.
Familial love
This is pretty self-explanatory. It's love between family members.
Compassionate Love
Now, this is one of the best ways to explain "loving someone." It is love between two individuals who are deeply committed to each other. In some cases, they might not even necessarily be romantically attracted to each other!
Sacrificial Love
This is another perfect kind of love to describe the concept of "loving someone." This kind of love is all about putting the needs of someone before yours. It's all about sacrificing your time, energy, desire, and even resources for that person.
Infinite Love
This is more like another word for "unconditional love," which is pretty self-explanatory. It means loving the imperfections of that person. It means not putting a "condition" forward before loving that person.
Self-Love
Maybe a bit unrelated to this article, but what's the point of loving someone else if you don't even love and appreciate yourself first?
List of Themes to Note about Being
in Love Versus Loving Someone
Time Frame
Being in Love, in most cases, doesn't last; hence it's temporary. However, loving someone could last a lifetime; therefore, permanent.
Attraction vs. Connection
When you're in love, you're definitely attracted to how the person looks, speaks, what the person likes, life values, etc. The same could also apply to when you "Love someone"; however, the difference is that loving someone means most likely being attracted to the person and "definitely" having a deep emotional connection with the person. "Being in Love" doesn't necessarily include a deep emotional connection.
Perception of Flaws
When you're in love with someone, you most likely see no flaws with that person. When you "Love someone," you see the flaws and even embrace them to the fullest. However, for those who "are in love," the moment they realize the person's flaws, they would most likely back out. Every human has flaws!
Action vs. Words
Being in Love is all about words and small gestures. You can easily tell the person you love them, but do you actually mean it, like in a deeply emotional way? It's easy to say these things in words and little gestures. However, when you love someone, it shows in your actions and commitment to that person.
Selflessness vs. Selfishness
A person in love can most likely be selfish because they are more focused on "how they feel" and less on how the person they claim to love really feels or the whole essence or being of that person. However, a person who loves someone is most likely selfless toward the person they claim to love.
Conclusion
When someone says those magical three words, "I love you," don't get giddy too quickly. Infatuation fools many. Test a person by their actions. Is your companion actually showing you what it means to truly "love" you? If so, then perhaps you got true love. This sort of love is the type of love the surpasses physical attraction. It is a spiritual infinite love.
Now, if, you haven't realized that being in love with someone is way different from loving that person - and also, if that person is more focused on selfishness, then may this article help you!